Last time I wrote was a week ago. Before I started school, before I saw him… And her. Before anyones dreams could be crushed or anyone’s mind could be fucked with. Last week I was writing out of sheer blinded optimism. Today I’m writing with a promise that I’ll never have high expectations ever again.

So many times I wondered what it would have been like had I gone to college right out of high school. I’d have my career, my own place, my calling. Instead because of one bad choice I’m in the same spot I was at after graduation, living w my parents, living paycheck to paycheck, unhappy not exactly where I saw myself six yrs ago. In fact, not anywhere near it. But tomorrow I begin classes:) tomorrow things will begin to change, tomorrow is the first step to getting this dream. I don’t always regret the life I’ve lived up until now. I have so many people I love, that love me, that I wouldn’t have had I not made the choice and sacrifice to give up my dream so many years ago. But tomorrow is the day where I take my dream back, and I’m so incredibly happy/nervous/excited/scared! So here begins my journey, get ready for the ride….

dearscarlet:

Dear Scarlet, 
You wanted a mohawk. We let you get one. It’s as simple as that, and it should be. 

“Someday You Will Be Loved”

I once knew a girl
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth
In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved.

I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved

You’ll be loved you’ll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you’re falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you’ve yet to meet
Someday you will be loved

You’ll be loved you’ll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You’ll be loved you’ll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
Someday you will be loved

Sometimes you realize things when it’s far too late, when others have seen it all along.

Helena, don’t walk away Before you give me back my heart If it were mine, it would be yours to take I’m sorry I’ve let down my guard, oh Helena

You looked so sweet I should have seen While I was playing for fun You were playing for keeps

You win, I lose, is there some way You can leave me in your debt So my girl and I can live to die another day On that day I won’t forget you, Helena

You look so sweet waiting for me While I wait for her to give me any reason to leave Don’t waste your pretty sympathy She’s gonna be just fine

And Helena, so will we So will everything in time, mmm

Helena, don’t walk away Did you hear one word I said Oh well, I never really liked us anyway And I forgot her, I’ll forget you, Helena

You’re not that sweet And neither is she Go ahead and tell her anything you want Cause Helena, guys like me never sleep alone at night I don’t need your sympathy Cause I’ll always be just fine

Yeah, I’ll always be just fine Yeah, I’ll always be just fine

La la la, la la la, la la la La la la, la la la, la la la

He is sensible and so incredible And all my single friends are jealous He says everything I need to hear and it’s like I couldn’t ask for anything better He opens up my door and I get into his car And he says you look beautiful tonight And I feel perfectly fine

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain And it’s 2am and I’m cursing your name You’re so in love that you act insane And that’s the way I loved you Breakin’ down and coming undone It’s a roller coaster kinda rush And I never knew I could feel that much And that’s the way I loved you

He respects my space And never makes me wait And he calls exactly when he says he will He’s close to my mother Talks business with my father He’s charming and endearing And I’m comfortable

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain And it’s 2am and I’m cursing your name You’re so in love that you act insane And that’s the way I loved you Breakin’ down and coming undone It’s a roller coaster kinda rush And I never knew I could feel that much And that’s the way I loved you

He can’t see the smile I’m faking And my heart’s not breaking Cause I’m not feeling anything at all And you were wild and crazy Just so frustrating intoxicating Complicated, got away by some mistake and now

I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain It’s 2am and I’m cursing your name I’m so in love that I acted insane And that’s the way I loved you Breaking down and coming undone It’s a roller coaster kinda rush And I never knew I could feel that much And that’s the way I loved you oh, oh

And that’s the way I loved you oh, oh Never knew I could feel that much And that’s the way I loved you

Missing the comfort of his arms, Hating the uncertainty of the future.

When I counted up my demons Saw there was one for every day With the good ones on my shoulders I drove the other ones away

So if you ever feel neglected And if you think that all is lost I’ll be counting up my demons, yeah Hoping everything’s not lost

When you thought that it was over You could feel it all around And everybody’s out to get you Don’t you let it drag you down

‘Cos if you ever feel neglected And if you think that all is lost I’ll be counting up my demons, yeah Hoping everything’s not lost

If you ever feel neglected If you think that all is lost I’ll be counting up my demons, yeah Hoping everything’s not lost

Singing out Oh, oh, oh, yeah Oh, oh, yeah Oh, oh, yeah Everything’s not lost

So come on, yeah Oh, oh, yeah Come on, yeah And everything’s not lost

Oh, oh, yeah Oh, oh, yeah Oh, oh, yeah And everything’s not lost

Come on, yeah Oh, oh, yeah Come on, yeah

Come on, yeah Oh, oh, yeah Come on, yeah And everything’s not lost

Sing out, yeah Oh, oh, yeah Come on, yeah And everything’s not lost

Come on, yeah Oh, oh yeah Sing out, yeah And everything’s not lost

-Coldplay

Just talk yourself up and tear yourself down You’ve hit your one wall, now find a way around Well, what’s the problem? You got a lot of nerve

So what did you think I would say? No, you can’t run away, no, you can’t run away So what did you think I would say? No, you can’t run away, no, you can’t run away You wouldn’t

I never wanted to say this You never wanted to stay I put my faith in you, so much faith And then you just threw it away You threw it away

I’m not so naive, my sorry eyes can see The way you fight shy of almost everything Well, if you give up, you’ll get what you deserve

So what did you think I would say? No, you can’t run away, no, you can’t run away So what did you think I would say? No, you can’t run away, no, you can’t run away You wouldn’t

I never wanted to say this You never wanted to stay I put my faith in you, so much faith And then you just threw it away You threw it away

You were finished long before We had even seen the start Why don’t you stand up? Be a man about it Fight with your bare hands about it now

I never wanted to say this You never wanted to stay, well did you? I put my faith in you, so much faith And then you just threw it away

I never wanted to say this You never wanted to stay I put my faith in you, so much faith And then you just threw it away